


Ananta

by Siriusfan13



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25489081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriusfan13/pseuds/Siriusfan13
Summary: Tomoe's POV as her spirit watches over the one she loves... Please read and review!
Relationships: Himura Kenshin/Yukishiro Tomoe
Kudos: 2





	Ananta

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Ruroken isn't mine.

**Anata**

I watch you now and then. Just to be sure you're alright. I tell myself that I am your wife. That this is acceptable. But still in some small ways, it feels as though I am betraying my first love in this way, by lending comfort to his killer. At those times, I wish my first love were here to know you. To understand the gentle beauty hidden so deep within this hitokiri.

I've watched you for awhile now. Comforted you when I could. But you only feels me when you want to. When you seem to pull past your guilt, your self hatred… your disgust… to become the person you must have been years ago.

You only feel my comfort when you sleep.

I've wondered so much about your past. Who you were. Who you could have been. And I've been learning, little by little, the answers to my questions. I've been understanding you better with our close distance, magnified by the passage of time. I am understanding that what we had was not love. It was need. Understanding. Acceptance. It was trust. Once or twice, it became deeper. But at the time, it was nothing more than a last, desperate attempt to survive and to _matter_ made by two battered and war-torn souls.

It wasn't love until I left. For me, it came when I finally understood you. When I saw you fighting, near death, struggling to win, not for your own sake, but for mine… _after_ I had inadvertently completed the betrayal I had meant to stop.

For you… it seems that for you it came quietly the night you proposed. Came _after_ the proposal, as we slept peacefully together. It dug its roots so deeply into your heart that betrayal no longer mattered. I can read that much in your eyes when you sit, quietly reading and rereading my journals.

I watch you sometimes, because you need me to. Until you realize that you need to live. Until you realize that just making an oath not to die by the sword will not save you. I watch to see when you will drop the armor from your heart, and save yourself.

Because only then will your oath matter. Until then, you will not succeed. The sword has already killed you. You need to let yourself be reborn.

So I watch you, anata. My forbidden love. Waiting for the day you will live again.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: My response to my own challenge (write a Tomoe fic with her in character from her POV…) from Shenyu's "Rurouni Kenshin Dream" forum. I hope you like! Also, I wrote this when I completely didn't understand that "anata" is just a way to say "you" in Japanese. I think I thought it was a word of endearment or something. Humor me. I was young and clueless. (Now I'm old and clueless;D). Anyway, if you read this when it was on fanfiction.net, it was written as a general commentary of Tomoe. Now that I know "anata" means you, I have edited the story to be spoken directly to Kenshin, thus making the title MUCH more logical. Hopefully it strengthens, rather than weakens the story. If you want to see how it used to be, check it out on fanfiction.net. I'm too lazy to change it there. XD
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading. Please review!
> 
> Dewa mata!


End file.
